Brian from Boston called into Tell Me Everything with John Fugelsang because he was riled up about the God Squad. According to Brian from Boston, we were not credible because, wait for it, our vocabulary was not to his liking. Brian started off by saying he was going to “cast his pearls before swine,” meaning that in his world he is wise and knowing, while myself, Keith Giles, Desimber Rose (the unholy trinity known as The God Squad) and host John Fugelsang were all “swine” because we happen to use profanity. Now usually that profanity we use stems from righteous anger about injustice, Christofascists running rough shod over the the Constitution, or the hypocrisy of the Christian right. Poor Brian was too obtuse to realize that in calling the show, telling us we are all swine, and that we shouldn’t cuss when talking about “the word of God” that he was literally exemplifying the absurdity and hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christians. Fortunately, I am here to help Brian from Boston understand the error of his ways.

To begin, Brian said we shouldn’t cuss when discussing the word of God. He clearly doesn’t know that Paul used the literal word “shit” in Philippians 3:8. In most translations it is not translated that way because far too many Christians get worked up over so called “foul language,” but in the original Koine Greek, the word σκύβαλα (skubala) = shit. I’ve heard pastors talk about this and Biblical scholars have pointed it out to me as well. So, right there in the so-called “Word of God” is the apostle Paul using a word that inexplicably is considered a “bad word.” The closest I’ve seen to a literal translation in a Biblical translation is David Bentley Hart’s translation of the entire New Testament in which Dr. Hart uses “excrement” rather than the more course and vulgar word “shit” for that particular verse.

Brian from Boston also seems to not understand that Jesus never once in any of the Gospel accounts of his life and ministry condemned anyone for using profanity. This is telling because Jesus was a peasant who spent a lot of time with other laboring people — fishermen, carpenters, agricultural day laborers, etc and therefore he certainly was acquainted with what we now call “salty language,” cussing, and profanity. Despite this familiarity, the man Christians look to as Messiah and savior did not police anyone for using cuss words. I’m serious, go read the four Gospels, and you will not find Jesus anywhere rebuking anyone for using profanity. Not. Even. Once. Apparently, cuss words were not a big priority either for Jesus or the authors of the four Gospel accounts of his life. Brian from Boston reminds me of the scribes and Pharisees that Jesus rebuked over and over again. Take Matthew 23:23-24 for example when Jesus calls them hypocrites for neglecting matters of justice, mercy, and faith in favor of legalism and performative religion. He then proclaims that they have strained out the gnats in order to swallow a camel. Brian from Boston should put his strainer away and focus on weightier matters like genocide, climate change, increasing gaps between the poor and rich, and religious extremism.

Brian from Boston didn’t want to answer questions about his political affiliation, but it was clear that he was a right wing conservative Christian. He seemingly didn’t know that Jesus repeatedly condemns religious hypocrisy and performative religious pandering (see Matthew 6:1-18 as one example). Brian from Boston doesn’t seem to know that Jesus was crystal clear about the sinfulness of hoarding wealth at the expense of others, that the Bible condemns bearing false witness, lying, scapegoating others to harm them, that welcoming the stranger, feeding, clothing, and giving water to those who need it is literally what separates the sheep from the goats (Matthew 25:31-46) according to Jesus. Brian from Boston also seems to have missed the memo that Jesus sent out about the imperative of following the golden rule and loving our neighbors as ourselves even when those neighbors do not believe like we do.

Brian from Boston also took issue with the fact that we members of the God Squad rejected the notion that Trump was missed by the bullet because God wanted him to survive, but wanted the man who died to be shot. He pointed to the letter to the Colossians as evidence that God is a divine puppet master. Brian from Boston apparently doesn’t realize that though Colossians is attributed to Paul, it was not written by Paul. Even if it had been, Paul was writing letters, not scripture, even if human beings decided to include seven of Paul’s authentic letters in the Bible despite the fact that he sometimes contradicted Jesus’ teachings (see Matthew’s extremely Jewish context compared to Paul’s insistence that the Law need not be kept to the letter). Fallible humans also decided to include letters attributed to Paul, like Ephesians, Colossians, and the Pastoral letters, which contradict the actual writings of Paul. In other words, Brian from Boston knows a lot less about the Bible than he thinks he does despite knowing chapters and verses that he can use to proof text. I could memorize a chemistry book and still not have a clue what the words actually mean.

Brian from Boston claimed that I lack credibility as a theologian because I say “fuck” a lot. I don’t think Jesus cares at all that I use profanity when annoyed or when calling out hypocritical politicians and others. Wait until Brian from Boston hears about the Christian pastors and priests who abuse their positions to sexually abuse children or adult members of their churches, or Christians who preach Christian nationalism in defiance of Jesus’ teachings, or Christian pastors and lay people accumulating wealth and whining about taxation despite the New Testament’s clear teachings about wealth being a detriment and Paul telling people to pay their taxes (Romans 13:6), or Christians engaging in performative Christianity in order to be seen as holy, righteous, and better than everyone else. To me, those are the Christians who lack credibility. I wonder if Brian from Boston has ever called Franklin Graham…

None of what I have written above is meant to show how good I am and how bad Brian from Boston is. I’m imperfect because I am a human being. I’m also alive at a time when ethical choices are increasingly hard to make and my brain has been rewired by trauma that I was not at fault for. It’s also impossible to be a perfect person. My point with this writing is to shine a light on the hypocritical nature of performative Christianity that excuses all manner of sins while pretending to be holier than thou. So tune in again to Tell Me Everything Brian from Boston, or to the God Squad podcast on Thursday nights. You might learn something. And if you still don’t think I’m credible Brian, Google is free. Look me up. My credentials and credibility are just fine.